Throughout my life I would point to a few people that have been incredible role models for me. The first is an uncle of mine that has never missed an opportunity to tell anyone within shouting distance how beautiful his wife is (It helps that she is beautiful, and is also usually within shouting distance too). He always expresses his deep love for her when he talks about almost anything. Anyone that encounters him would not be able to mistake his feelings. I believe this is a large part of the reason that they've enjoyed a long (I know it's been at least 30 years) and successful mariage filled with all the joys that marriage has to offer (re-newing their vows after 25 years, amazingly accomplished and successful children and grand-children, etc). I've never taken the opportunity to ask him how he is able to keep his love for my aunt so strong, but I get the sense it has something to do with a strong understanding of his faith, and his sense of responsibility to his children. He also possesses a charisma that comes from being grateful for the many gifts that have been bestowed upon him. I consider myself lucky to have had such a great role model in my life.
The second role model for whom I am extremely grateful is my father in law. My father in law is a Naval Academy graduate and spent 20 years commanding US battleships in the Navy. This was probably a great contributor to the discipline he displays in his everyday life. However, this alone did not mold him into the man he is. We all have a choice as to how we will respond to what life brings us. As a young father he was faced with the challenge of having a daughter (my wife, "The Nurturing One") that had major medical complications from a very early age. The Nurturing One was hospitalized and operated on several times throughout her youth. There were times when it was questionable whether she would make it through the challenges she faced. As a new father I cannot imagine the pain it causes to see your child in failing health and feel there is very little you can do to help. Statistically, most families that have a child in failing health end up facing divorce. Faced with this immense pressure, my father in law always made sure that he and my mother in law were on the same page, that their love and devotion to each other was going to be one of the best ways to help their daughter get through those tough times. No matter what it took, he was there to be by her side when The Nurturing One was in the hospital. During one very long hospital stay he had so much time sitting by her bed that he stitched a rug of Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street for her. That rug now lies at the foot of our son's crib. To this day my father in law never fails to live up to the extremely high expectations he set for himself, and has set the bar very high for his sons in law (he has two daughters) to be anywhere close to the husband and father he is.
The second role model for whom I am extremely grateful is my father in law. My father in law is a Naval Academy graduate and spent 20 years commanding US battleships in the Navy. This was probably a great contributor to the discipline he displays in his everyday life. However, this alone did not mold him into the man he is. We all have a choice as to how we will respond to what life brings us. As a young father he was faced with the challenge of having a daughter (my wife, "The Nurturing One") that had major medical complications from a very early age. The Nurturing One was hospitalized and operated on several times throughout her youth. There were times when it was questionable whether she would make it through the challenges she faced. As a new father I cannot imagine the pain it causes to see your child in failing health and feel there is very little you can do to help. Statistically, most families that have a child in failing health end up facing divorce. Faced with this immense pressure, my father in law always made sure that he and my mother in law were on the same page, that their love and devotion to each other was going to be one of the best ways to help their daughter get through those tough times. No matter what it took, he was there to be by her side when The Nurturing One was in the hospital. During one very long hospital stay he had so much time sitting by her bed that he stitched a rug of Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street for her. That rug now lies at the foot of our son's crib. To this day my father in law never fails to live up to the extremely high expectations he set for himself, and has set the bar very high for his sons in law (he has two daughters) to be anywhere close to the husband and father he is.
Another result of being a great husband and father is that his daughters sought the qualities they saw in their dad in the men they would eventually marry. I would not try to imply that I am half the man that my father in law is, but my wife knew that I wanted to try my best to be a great husband and father. For the men out there that have daughters, this is a great opportunity to do a self check and make sure you are being the kind of man you would want your daughter to marry.
My in-laws like to have friends and family at their home for meals and be able to visit, reminisce, and catch up. This always involves a lot of preparation and clean up on both their parts. The refreshing thing is that they always split the responsibilities evenly, and are happy to do so. I've never seen a man that seems so happy to do dishes. As soon as the meal ends he always jumps up to take care of the mess so that my mother in law can continue visiting and entertaining the rest of their guests. My point is that we do things for the people we love because it makes them happy, not necessarily for any other reason.
My in-laws like to have friends and family at their home for meals and be able to visit, reminisce, and catch up. This always involves a lot of preparation and clean up on both their parts. The refreshing thing is that they always split the responsibilities evenly, and are happy to do so. I've never seen a man that seems so happy to do dishes. As soon as the meal ends he always jumps up to take care of the mess so that my mother in law can continue visiting and entertaining the rest of their guests. My point is that we do things for the people we love because it makes them happy, not necessarily for any other reason.
There was a scene in the movie, "The Break Up" in which the character played by Jennifer Aniston pleas with the character played by Vince Vaughn to "want to do dishes". His reply is to the effect that he would have to be crazy to want to do dishes. Jennifer finally gets fed up with Vince and the argument, along with other things evetually leads to their break up. Vince's character didn't get Jennifer's point at the time. At the end of the movie, after time away from each other and some insightful reflection on Vince's part, he finally seems to understand what she meant. Although the movie did not win any Academy awards, and I am biased because I'm a native Chicagoan and love any movie set there, the movie does have some hysterical scenes (the dinner table scene when the family breaks out in "Owner of a Lonely Heart"), and contains some valuable insight into the way the minds of men and women work, and how they differ. You can find the trailer on http://www.youtube.com/ that contains footage from both of the aforementioned scenes.
My father is the third role model for whom I am extremely grateful. My parents were divorced, and my brother and I lived primarily in my dad's home. As a single father he showed incredible strength and even while he was battling cancer (which he beat), he still managed to go about his daily life... getting up every day and getting us boys (ages 9 and 11 at the time) off to school and taking the "El" train to work, even though many times he was physically sick from the chemotherapy and radiation. The dedication my father showed to us was un-matched and he taught me some lessons about being a great father that, although those were difficult times for us, I am so much better off for having learned those lessons.
We could all stand to think about the people in our lives that have successful marriages and families and look closely at the behaviors that have brought such success. So often they are behaviors that we could easily emulate and incorporate into our own lives to help build our own marriages and families. Even if we come from failed mariages, there is usually someone that has touched our lives from whom we can learn about being a great husband and father.
Amen.
ReplyDeleteI learned to be a good husband/father from the example of my Grandmother. Her faith, her patience, her willingness to express her love, and joy at being around her grandchildren. Her being stern when required, her constant concern for our well-being and our education, and her example as a woman of deep faith, and commitment to involvement in and responsibility to the community that we lived in.